.I need you to look at something for me...could you?" Now this is where the angel on my shoulder says "DON"T DO IT! You're gonna get a knife to your ...hroat, or a gun in your face, or worse..." I never heard him, because the devil on my shoulder was shouting "OF COURSE YOU WILL, you big, dumb bastard! You met her thirty seconds ago and you have a GREEN LIGHT, buddy! How often do you get a shot like this?" Not nearly often enough... "Uh, sure," I said. She took me by the hand and led me out to a. He reached one hand up to caress the side of her neck, while the other brushed the side of her bra grazing her nipple through the fabric. Jenny gasped at his force, then moaned in pleasure at his touch. He pulled her leg around his hips kissing her neck and working his way down her shoulder while his free hand reached up to gently pinch her nipple through the silk bra. “I don’t think you need this on sweetheart, it’s far too hot in here for that.” Dreamer’s eyes grew wide as he grinned running. “Let’s do something a little different tonight, Pat. I want you to close your eyes and pretend I am Jimmy or any boy from one of your classes if that’s better for you.”I was willing to play along. After all, Ed knew I had fantasies about young boys, so what was the harm if we played in my fantasy world. I closed my eyes. “Jimmy will do. Is this turning you on, Ed?”“Yes. How about you, Pat?”“Okay, maybe a little.”Ed kissed my cheek, “Oh, Miss. Holland. I never thought my teacher would do. Do the hard things by yourself. So you don’t become that monster.”So I started to. Angie was right: the tone in my voice couldn’t make me a better person. It wouldn’t make me smarter or stronger. It could only give me power. But to use that power – to know how and when it might make a difference - I had to be better than I thought I could be.That doesn’t mean I wasn’t tempted. Every day presented a dozen tiny interactions where it would have been so much easier to simply get my way.The worst.
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